Your inability to take responsibility is what holds you back from living a better life.

In the first letter of this 4-part series, we have explored how our need for belonging forces us to push away the parts of us that were not accepted and valued by the people we grew up with.

This process is called Social Conditioning.

This creates a version of yourself based on the needs, values and beliefs your family, your school and your society have.

Through your newly acquired skill of observation that we started to develop in the second newsletter, we now realise that the pressure to conform to the path of society is unfortunately not the path that leads us to a fulfilling life:

• Go to school
• Get a job
• Have limited income and time
• Get married and have kids
• Retire
• The end

The first step towards Freedom

Last week I shared with you the impact and pain I went through from having a very difficult relationship with my dad.

The relationship we have with our parents growing up becomes the foundation and default example for the relationships we are going to experience in our teenage and adult lives (until you question, decondition and heal yourself).

This is what makes most adults repeat the exact same cycles as their parents.

I grew up with very poor self-worth, self-esteem, love and respect for who I was.

It led me to constantly be attracted to men who would disrespect me, manipulate and abuse me.

For a long time, I kept blaming my father for my addictions, the pain and hatred I was feeling inside of me and the toxic relationships I would constantly find myself in.

It’s way easier for all of us to point the finger at something or someone to justify why we are the way we are or why our life isn’t as good as it could be.

• I don’t have time to make my health a priority because I have to work
• I never had a good role model that’s why I don’t know how to step up as a man in his masculinity or a woman in her femininity
• I didn’t follow through with X because it wasn’t meant to be
• I can’t afford X because my boss isn’t paying me enough
• I have to do X because that’s how our society works
• I am addicted to X because of the way I grew up

But making your childhood, past traumatic events or society responsible for the current version of yourself also puts you in a position of absolute powerlessness.

You find yourself in a place where nothing changes.

You went through pain and now you expect and wait for the world and people who hurt you to acknowledge that pain and think they owe it to you to help you out.

I am sorry to break it to you, but unfortunately, the world doesn't care.

The very reason why you have been hurt in the first place is because these same people who cause you pain, went through pain themselves.

They are most likely unconscious of the damage they have inflicted upon you.

You probably have heard the saying “Hurt people hurt people” – this is true.

Waiting for an apology, help or get your needs met from the same unconscious people or society who caused you to be the way you are is most likely not going to happen.

This leaves you with one option:

You taking responsibility for everything.

• For your behaviour
• For your excuses
• For your failures
• For your addictions
• For your relationships
• For your unmet needs
• For your unrealised dreams
• For the state of your mental health
• For the state of your physical health
• For the amount of money you have in your bank account
• For your life

Triggering right?

The reason why this is painful to accept is because you think that taking responsibility for all of it will invalidate the pain you experienced.

This is not the case.

Instead of waiting for the external world to see, acknowledge and validate the parts of you that are hurt, YOU have to be the one that sees, feels and validates that pain internally.

This is one of the most profound shifts that will reconnect you to something you never truly lost:

Your personal power.

When you were a baby, you didn’t have any other options than to grow up in the environment and with the parents that were given to you.

The difference now is that, as an adult, you have free will.

The level of awareness you hold around your behaviour and daily decisions is what is now creating the life you are currently living.

Right now, it is not your parents or society that are making the decisions for you.

You are.

• You are the one deciding how your body looks and how your body feels.
• You are the one deciding how much money you have in your bank account.
• You are the one deciding how good or how bad your relationships are.
• You are the one deciding how good or how bad your life is.

This also means that the only person who can lead you to a better future -- is you.

It might not be easy to accept at first, but this is great news.

Because that means that you can actually create a path for yourself that is better than the one you are currently on.

More responsibility = More power

We avoid taking responsibility, so we don’t have to change and we reject our need for power, because we associate power with control and tyranny.

I want you to start seeing Power as a neutral energy that you can use for good or for bad.

Since you are reading this letter, I assume that you are here to gain awareness to become a better human being, so let’s trust our motivation to explore and develop power and use it to make a positive impact on our lives and in this world.

Power is your ability to create and bring about what you desire.

If you ever changed, influenced, or created something in your life (which you have), you have power.

Let me give you a couple of examples:

• You going to the gym to change the way you feel in your body and the way you look, is power.
• You being unsatisfied with your current financial situation and working harder to get a higher position and therefore better pay, is power.
• You not knowing how to fix a lamp to the ceiling, looking up a tutorial on YouTube and ending up putting the lamp up, is power.
• You meeting a friend who is sad and upset and providing her support and great advice, is power.
• You being hungry and making yourself something to eat, is power.

Can you see how your ability to change and influence small or big situations and bring about your desired outcome is you using your personal power ?

This means that we all have power, need power and want power.

Recognising, accepting and integrating this is very important.

Because you are going to need a lot of power to change and guide yourself towards a better life.

Responsibility and power go hand in hand.

The more you take responsibility for your decisions, actions and behaviour, the more power you have to influence and change anything into something that is more aligned with your needs and desires.

One of my desires was to have a lot of power when it comes to how I want to spend my time and how much money I earn.

Once I realised that, I decided to take on the responsibility of creating my own financial income (me writing this letter is part of that) so I won’t have to keep working for someone who can dictate how much I make, how many hours I have to work every day and when I am allowed to go on holidays or have time off.

Because power comes with responsibility, you can’t give your responsibility away without giving your power away.

You taking responsibility for all the aspects I have listed above, is you stepping into your personal power to start creating the change you want to see for yourself.

Through this letter you also realised that no one is going to come change your actions, behaviour and life for you.

So you understand that your only option is to take responsibility for all of it and use your power to bring about something better.

Now that we have acknowledged that responsibility and power are needed to meet your needs and bring about your desires, let’s see how we can implement this in your life.

Personal Power to exit the game of Social Conditioning

Free will is your birthright.

No one can choose for you.

I could pressure, influence or manipulate you into choosing or doing something but you are still the one who is making the actual decision.

This means that your ability to decide and the decisions you make hold tremendous power.

Every little or big decision you make every day is a brick you are laying that builds the reality you currently find yourself in.

You recognising that power and embracing the responsibility that comes with it turns you into a powerful conscious creator.

I will teach you how to combine Personal Power with authenticity in THE MODERN HEALTH Course Pillar I+II so you can start living a life grounded in responsibility and power when it comes to your mental and physical health. The foundation for the life you deserve to give to yourself.

In the meantime, here are the steps that will reconnect you to your personal power :

1) It demands that you recognise and embrace the power you already have

Now that observing yourself and society is (hopefully) part of your daily practice, I want you to start highlighting the little decisions you make every day and their positive or negative impact on your current reality.

2) It demands that you use your power in a better way

If you see that one consistent decision you make daily or weekly has a negative impact on any aspect of your life, you have now the conscious power to change it.

Remember, you can use your personal power for good or for bad.

It is time to consciously channel your power towards making decisions that will bring about an outcome that has a positive impact on your life.

3) It demands that you own your previous mistakes, failures and excuses

Remember, avoiding taking responsibility is also letting go of the power to change an aspect of your life you are dissatisfied with.

It is time to put your ego aside, to sit with your past, accept and forgive yourself for your past mistakes and failures.

Then, let go of all of the excuses you use every day to justify why you are not able to change, grow and evolve.

4) It demands that you stop being scared to become the creator of your life

Your path in this world is unique.

You were born to embody the purest and most authentic expression of your essence.

Not to be a copycat of a version society has created out of you.

There is no greater power than to find to courage to be and embrace who you are.

And there is no better life to be lived than the life that has been created by yourself.

5) It demands that you allow yourself to dream again because you can make anything happen

The conditioning we all went through has disconnected us from so many natural and precious qualities that are inherent to our being:

Curiosity.

Excitement.

The need to feel.

The need to connect.

The need to be present.

The need to learn and explore.

The need for novelty and surprise.

The need to dream, to fantasise and create.

Whatever you can dream of and desire, you have now the power, awareness and tools to make it happen.

So it is time to reconnect with all of these qualities you never lost and get excited about your life as a conscious, responsible and powerful creator.

This is the end of this 4-part series of letters about The Social Conditioning.

If you enjoyed the ride of this exploration journey we both went on, feel free to join and explore the Free Member Platform I have created, where you will find more resources and a community of people who are on the same journey you and I are on.

I see you in next week’s letter.

Until then, take care.

Oli